Transcending Fear

by Lois Zinn

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
                                                               ~ Russian Proverb 



Although I long ago accepted as fact the idea that life is eternal, that the Soul continues after the body shuts down, reincarnating again and again, developing qualities that result in evolution and eventual freedom, still I could not dismiss what had been told to me with a cavalier, "Ah well, see you in another life."  No, I was deeply caught up in my drama and deeply afraid.  Friends cried for me, pitied me, treated me like I was already gone.  "It's not a good prognosis," said the principal at my high school when I broke the news to her.  "They haven't made much progress in ovarian cancer treatment," said a friend, a microbiologist who knew what he was talking about when it came to medicine.  My brother, also smart and savvy, said that the survival rate was just 48%.  He did not say, but I later learned that the percentage of survivors decreased over time and that I had virtually no chance of survival a couple of years down the road.

I was feeling hopeless.  I'd walk around like a shadow person, imagining other people going about their daily lives but myself no longer in the picture.  Breathing took effort.  Still affected by the drugs pumped into me during my recent operation, I would lie in bed, weak and fragile, knowing that all the negativity was just feeding the cancer, but not knowing how to stop it.  I would call my meditation teacher daily for distance healing, and whenever I would express fear he would reply, "In getting well, attitude is most important."

Friends said to relax, but I didn't think I had that luxury.  The oncologist made it sound like my only option was chemotherapy, and they were going to start the procedure in just a few weeks.  I was reacting to that "solution" with dread as I didn't see this choice of therapy as effective.  I thought I would have to move to Cleveland to be with my boyfriend so that he could take care of me during my sickness and impending death.

I began to wonder if there were viable alternatives I should consider.  Each day I would force myself to do some research on the Internet.  I also consulted with Steve Meyrowitz aka the Sproutman who put me in contact with alternative healing agencies.  I read books about alternative healing and was particularly impressed with the Gerson Institute. Still unsure of the exact treatment I would choose to follow, I did at least form this conclusion:  I would need to take a completely alternative approach to treatment as chemotherapy would only weaken my immune system and damage healthy organs and tissues rendering healing even more difficult.

My friend, Susan, was a great help to me during this time.  I was following multiple leads as to whom I would work with, and was often too tired to pursue these options.  Susan would diligently call various doctors and clinics for me, finding out information on the therapies offered and on the price of treatments. During one such assignment, Susan called me back with a most pleasant response.  The doctor she spoke to not only answered the phone himself and took the time to speak to her, but he said I could call with any questions.  This despite the fact that I lived hundreds of miles away and would probably not be working with him.  I did call this doctor and immediately choose to work with him.  This doctor did not believe in chemotherapy treatments (they cause cancer, he said) or CAT scans (which emit the equivalent of 420 chest x-rays).  He had been doing metabolic cancer therapy for over 30 years, with great success, and former patients told me I was in good hands.  As soon as I made up my mind to work with this doctor, I felt safe, and I could sleep peacefully again.  And when I at last went to see him and told him how grateful I felt to have found him, his response was,  "There are no accidents."

Lois Zinn is a reading specialist living in the Fair Trade town of Media, Pennsylvania.  She has edited for health advocate Gary Null and now writes about her personal healing experiences in the hopes of inspiring others.  Lois can be reached at loiszinn@hotmail.com.